Vagina Warrior

I am so proud of my daughter,  Jody. Of course I am proud of so many things, although my best friend HATES the word proud! But that's another story...

Jody was supposed to make her directorial debut on Wednesday night where she is directing scores of wonderful strong University of Pennsylvania women in a presentation of The Vagina Monologues. The blizzard(s) of 1020 have pushed that back a few days- but in true soldier fashion- or should I say in true Vagina Warrior fashion Jody and her do-director/best friend Cassidy managed to contact all 100 women, the administration of U of P to get the venue rescheduled, posted signs all over town and digitally spread the word that the production had to be switched due to snow.

I am mostly proud that Jody and the other women in the famous Eve Ensler play, have a conscience and concern for other women. All of the proceeds will go to a Philadelphia organization, WOAR, Women Organized Against Rape- the only rape crisis center in the city. 

Far from being even remotely pornographic, the play deals with how women feel about their own bodies. It does not promote any view except the right of women to feel good about themselves and their own bodies. Now, I admit, the first time I saw the production last year, when Jody performed in it, I was uncomfortable. There were lots of words I was nervous about saying or writing, and I still am.  But there was not one monologue that I did not relate to, and while I still hate the c-word... I certainly am more comfortable saying the word "vagina".

My design firm, Grafik,  was happy to donate our services. The logo for the show was designed by an incredibly talented artist, Alex Diaz, and if you think that the creative brief was easy to go over... think again. Picture a new junior designer being called into the CEO's office to do a pro bono job for, of all things, The Vagina Monologues. But Alex, in addition to being incredibly talented and astute, gave 120%, much of it on his own time, and I am betting that his work will make lots of money for WOAR in Philadelphia.

If you want to support this effort, contact Jody at jodytp@sas.upenn.edu and she will be happy to accept donations or even sell you a tshirt ( if there are any left).

Back to work kind of

 

When is a snow day not a snow day? When you own part of the company. So while others might be free to frolic in the snow, I worried a bit. And worked a lot. I got lots done on a white paper I am writing- ironic that it's called a white paper- as I am surrounded by the white snow as far as the eye can see.

I worked on "real" work until 4 and then went out to shovel a bit of the white stuff. And then, I treated myself to a few hours sewing. I am still refining the upper right corner and think I know what to do tomorrow. Laying in the light blue has been a challenge and figuring out how to sew some of these pieces together had my brain hurting. 

This piece reminds me so much of Max and the drawings he used to do, elaborate pencil constructions or graffiti. He always did the same four letters C O P E... I think that is what the letters were. 

Tomorrow the government is closed again- which means my office is also closed. So I'll work some more in the morning and then give myself a little bit of a snow day. 

Finishing color and starting to sew

I was really having issues with some of the line forms and the colors last night. Along with the snow it kept me up all night- just not sure if what I was working on was really any good. Got up early Sunday morning and took down what I did, put up other color combinations, and then went back to what I started with with one substitution.

My "normal" color palette tends toward the dark- lots of shades of black, dark blue, and jewel tones rather than acid colors or primaries. That is one of the reasons that I am having such issues- these are color combinations that are achieving what I want- some tension- but they are colors that I am not practiced at using at all. I want to be like Leslie Riley- one of my compadres at Nany Crow's. No one uses color like Leslie- the most amazing color combinations that I have seen. I have worked near Leslie the last 4 times I have been to the Crow Barn- and each time I hope Leslie's influence will rub off on me!

But I decided to forge on- and once I started sewing the pieces together the colors started to make sense to me. It was wonderful to have 2 whole days to sew- and I can thank the snow for that.

adding color amidst the snow

I have never seen snow like this before- except when I was 4 and the snow towered over my head.

Now the snow is blanketing everything- its quiet as people are not outside yet- it has been snowing hard for over 24 hours. But it's a great way for me to focus.

Last night I started to lay in some colors. I fooled around with the composition some more until about 10 and then I started to look at colors closer. Today in the snow, I started working with the fabric that will end up in the quilt. Annette's cottons. this time I had Annette dye with Egyptian cotton. The darker colors have a kind of sheen and it flattens out the mottling. I have decided that I like the Egyptian for some and like the 200 thread count for other colors- the mid tones.

And each time I cut into the fabric I put aside a little pile to order from Annette again. I definitely need some really blue purples and some periwinkles. My stash is out of those.

Refining and defining

Last night I started to layer in color which of course makes me see things in a different light. Took away a number of lines and see where I have to change some of the positive and negative space. I am still working with Kona- not ready for Annette's fabrics yet although I am starting to "audition" the colors I want to use. I think I am going to try a color combination that is more akin to the "streets" rather than my normal color palette.

I worked a full day today writing a white paper for a client. Can not wait to get into the studio tonight and continue. We are having a mega-snow storm here- and hopefully that will give me two more days of being shut-in- which for me sounds like heaven.

Blocks of time

I love my husband, but Monday and Tuesday night when he went out to dinner with friends, I had a rare gift. Four straight hours alone in the house.  no one to feed. no dishes to clean. four hours of time in my sewing room.

Monday night. My first shape. Like it alot. I have found that I can not start a new piece unless I have a block of time. I need to close my door, put on my music and not be interrupted. So, I started. I wanted to cut as free form as possible, and started using some fairly cheap cotton. Later I switched to Kona- hating the feel of the cheap stuff even though I am just using black right now to mass.

Played around with this for a while but it just was not doing anything for me. By the end of the night I felt like there was only one successful shape- the first one. So I took everything down and left it on the wall for the day.

Tuesday night. Spent an hour studying some of the graffiti images that I have been collecting and started anew. Threw away the cheap cotton and just started playing in black with shapes. Like where it was going but knew that the weight of some of my lines were too weak next to some of the other shapes. 

Also started to see how outlines and color might influence the shapes. Got a bit freer with my lines and composition and tried really hard not to get caught up in how I would construct it. I know I can make beautiful edges- but first needed a much stronger composition. Fooled around for about 3 hours- adding fabric, taking it away- going through yards and yards of black kona. By the end of the night I took down the edging and peeled away some of the layers.

Wednesday night. Added a center line that needed a more fluid shape and started to extent some of the line work to wrap around other shapes. If you could see my design board you would see piece upon piece upon piece of cotton overlapping one and another to make the right curve.  Spent 3 hours in the room.

Here is where I am leaving it tonight. Like where I am going with some of the outlines... and know that I will add more. Have to start thinking in color but I find that I can not deal with the complexity of shapes and colors at the same time. I know I have a lot to still resolve but I am seeing the path it is starting to take.... and I like it.

More graffiti

My daughter Jody spent the summer with some Graffiti artists in Nicaragua. And I worried. Needlessly I might add. Blind that artistry comes in so many forms from so many people. And the result is so beautiful- and captures the Joy that is my daughter.

I particularly love the bottom image. Field of pink and large black dots. 

Condolences

I have been thinking lately about the issue of appropriateness and Facebook. And I am stuck.

Two days ago my husband's aunt in Florida passed away. She was living alone in Florida with a son in NYC and one in Florida. Neither son was really in touch with her old family friends or even knew the names of her current friends. Facebook- come to the rescue. I think. Or maybe not.

One of her sons was able to reach out to many people who knew her and relay her death by accessing her Facebook account. He also used the page to post updates on the funeral time and place. Within hours her page was filled with messages from friends who wrote lovely messages to the deceased.

And truthfully, I am conflicted. And I may not be alone.

Demographics: most of the people on her site were at least 60+ in age- perhaps older. She was conservatively in her middle 70's and a fairly new Facebook user.

All of the people leaving messages were older.

When I queried my daughter- age 21 about leaving a condolence message on a Facebook page she was horrified, as was several of some other people I reached out to. Most of them young- and most of them very internet-saavy.

One of my staff said she was very aware of Facebook memorial pages that are set up by family members as a kind of lifelong memorial- eternally I suppose. In one case she noted that over 3000 people friended a memorial page for one of her friends who passed away- and they had to make a fan page out of it.

So on one hand, it is a great way to let lots of people know about a death in the family. And it is probably an easy way for people to send their condolences. But truthfully it reminds me of the Facebook birthday barrages- where it is easy for people who hardly know you any more to send you their best wishes. But at least in my case, a dozen of those casual greetings does not match up to one, thoughtfully picked out card, doesn't have to be Hallmark.... that someone thinks about and takes time to send. And I wonder, to the family, how many of those Facebook messages will equal one Condolence card with a personal story or wish enclosed.

So I remain with feet firmly planted in two worlds.... not knowing which way to go.

cutting fabric

Tough night tonight.
One death in the family.
Two broken hearts.

Spent the night just cutting fabric to loosen up. Used really cheap cotton so I would not feel too invested in it. Just needed to loosen up and get some of the anxiety out of my head and onto the design board.
I have to get past the notion that everything that I do will work out. There will be failures and experiments and flops and some successes. But if I do not try- nothing will happen. Fear of failure is deadly.

Line quality

I am still looking at more examples of urban art and wall tags. I think they are so close to improvisational quilting but just a different surface- and probably a different age group creating them! As I ride through DC neighborhoods I am  more in tune to these random pieces of art.

Art that has been celebrated the last 10-15 years or so- and certainly protected now by copyright. There are many examples of people appropriating graffiti and finally the artists who have been creating them are protecting their rights. I am very conscious of this as I study the lines, shapes and colors, trying to figure out how to make it work in my pieces- learning from the lines but not copying.

Why graffiti? Line quality. Energy. Fearless. Powerful. Not self-conscious. A Riot of colors and shapes that are angular, complex and at the same time soft. But I also see frustration, anger, powerlessness.... all emotions that sometimes resonate with me.

Now the supreme challenge- how to capture that in cloth- with seams and fabric- and with the constraints I have put on myself- no applique- all piecing. It is a marriage of emotion and engineering.

research

I have been looking at images of graffiti- one richer than the next and really studying some of the line work and colors. And trying to figure out why they interest me so much and how they may affect my pieces. It's funny what becomes resource materials- for some ethnic textures, fabrics, basket weaving patterns. For me- spray paint, urban, walls.

Grand experiment

I am working at the beach tomorrow- no really working. I have a lot to do and did not want to take the day off- but Dave has off so I am going to see how much work I can really do here. In preparation, I worked aobut 5-6 hours over the weekend- just in case I had trouble concentrating... read some proposals, read and RFP, mostly routine stuff that I can do remotely- and can probably do quicker and more effectively.

So why do I feel so guilty?

I told Judy, my therapist, that I felt too guilty to take Monday off, did not want my staff to think I was not working hard. She laughed- even though therapists are not supposed to laugh too much I think. She said she had never met anyone who rides themself as hard I ride myself- that I really do not give myself too many breaks. And she is right.

I  promised her I would think about taking Monday as a vacation day- but I just am not ready. So a compromise- I will work at the beach and see what that is like. See if I can focus- if I am tempted to visit my sewing room, gaze at the birds, get up at a decent hour instead of 6 am.  See if working here harms my little getaway. A grand experiment. And a first step.

Not circles

Started a new piece today and was able to work on it for about 3-4 hours before duty called.  changed up the background and am deliberately not sewing perfectly round circles, rather I am making sure that each line speaks for itself. I think I will be overlaying this with some horizontal and vertical lines- and certainly more scribble circles. Feels right.  I am seeing some development as I progress from one piece to another- new ideas I am trying out- and am feeling comfortable that not every piece is not a masterpiece. I just need one or two to be good. (Oh it would be great if I really felt that way, but that is years of therapy away...)

Blue Card and Valentines Day

It arrived just as I was leaving for the beach. A blue card- postcard size- announcing my father's yarzheit on February 14th- Valentines Day. And it stopped me cold.

A small blue card- reminding me- as if I needed any reminders at all- that the anniversary of his death was coming up. And how ironic that it was a card noting his remembrance on Valentines Day- a holiday my dad kind of hated- not the idea of romance per se- but the commercialization of romance.

So it will be a different kind of Valentine's Day- lots of love-  with my mom and Dave, graveside, I suppose. But like many of the card that I have gotten over the last umpteen years- I won't forget this little blue card.

Nancy Charak

Was surfing the web- looking for an excuse not to write and came upon, very much by accident, the work of Nancy Charak, an artist living in Chicago. Her line work- mostly pencil- is pure poetry. and her compositions are marvelous. I need to work bigger to get anywhere close to the fluidity in her line work. Check out her site: www.rounderstudio.com

Annette's box

Once or twice a year I get a huge wonderful box from Annette- the wonderful lady who dyes my cottons in Kennewich, WA. I send her swatches and ideas for fabric and she sends me back a huge treasure chest of beautiful cotton. And it comes with chocolate, tea and cocoa for my husband.

This time she dyed using Egyptian Cotton, more expensive but so worth the extra cost per yard. It has a luster and sheen that make all of the fabrics' colors have more depth. We have tried different kinds of experiments- like the ombre mottled purple that I LOVED, and she refused to charge me for since it was mottled. She has rusted fabrics for me, distressed fabrics, and done potato dextrin resists that are sheer poetry.

A quilter is nothing without good resources - good fabric that excites, inspires and pushes one to think of different color combinations.  Annette is the lady behind all these beauties. And thank heavens I found her.

Background

I started to lay in the background last night and like where it is going. Fooled around on whether the background should be light or  dark. Glad I stuck with light.

Great scribbles

Great scribbles

New piece

I started a new piece last week. After the last circle piece I felt the need to simplify. And you might think that this piece is easier to piece together- but in fact it has taken me a week to figure out how to sew it together. I love the analysis part. I stare at my design wall and soon I figure it out- only to forget it a moment later.

Moving

I am no longer going to be posting using Tumblr. Have decided to make the switch over to blogger.. More friendly.  Will not be cancelling my other one until I see how it goes. Meanwhile used up so much time moving things over. Sigh.

More circles

More circles. Just not sure when to stop. Have decided to resurrect the last set into a new piece.

Miss you Mom

6:15. Time to call MOM.

8:00 Damn I missed it. Wonder if she is up.

7:00 I’m sure she is eating but I’ll call anyway.

My sister calls at 7:15 in the morning. My brother calls twice a day- usually during a break or Phillies or Eagles game.

We call to check up. To check in. To take her pulse. To unload.

So for 10 days she is unreachable. And my brother and I go crazy. We even call each other. But it is not the same.

All these months I have thought I’ve been calling for her sake. Turns out I have been calling for my sake. I miss you MOM. Come home already!

Engineering

Engineering. Trying to figure out how to make each seam count.
Sometimes I just stared at my design wall trying to figure out what had to be sewn first, second, third. This quilt is challenging... but its the kind of puzzle I like!

Started a new piece two days ago- Jody calls it "Pickled Egg". Bolder than I am used to- but I am trying to work bigger- and need to get my arm to be able to draw much larger shapes- then I can get more complex. The photo really does not pick up the subtle color variations of all the dark colors..

New Years resolution

1. To step up my game. No more hiding my quilts in a drawer. I formally joined the Society for Art Quilters Association- and have vowed to enter at least one quilting competition this year.

2. To continue to push myself. I started a new quilt today- I like where it is going- very simple curves. Jody said it looks like a pickled egg! I may just have to call it that.
3. To try not to judge myself too harshly. I am my hardest critic. Not everyone will like my quilts… tough shit.
4. To try to use some new color combinations. I always fall back on my trusty dark Palette… I need to broaden my horizon.
5. To sew more than Facebook and not get distracted.
6. To continue to write. It maintains my sanity.

Rogers book

I put together a book for Roger before he died. Luckily we were able to get it to him last week. For that I am thankful. He was totally touched by all the stories and letters for him. I sewed it out of denim. Roger was denim. Frayed jeans that were always comforting and dependable. That was Roger.

—

Roger

Tonight is not a machine sewing night. I tried. Tonight is a hand quilting night. A contemplative night. A sad night.

Roger died today. Not unexpected but a complete surprise at the same time. Luckily Lucinda and I saw him less than a week ago- in Milltown- in his surroundings, in his beloved Clarke County. Surrounded by Snow and Kristin and his beautiful house and mill.

And while his body was wasted, his mind was sharp as a tack, and we spent 3 hours with him joking, telling stories, sipping wine and nibbling on cheese. When Lucinda and I drove back, we were sure we would see him again. Not to be.

I tried sewing today- picking up on a piece that I started- a circle piece before I figured out my new technique. But the sound of the machine was jarring. I just needed silence. So I sat in front of the fire, Barley at my feet, Dave asleep in the couch with a book on his stomach- and I hand quilted. No music this time. Just thoughts of Roger. Missing him terribly.

Circles in motion

Switched things up again last night. Removed the blue portion and recropped and reworked. Loved every minute of it. Not sure if I will end up with anything yet, but the process is wonderful. I feel creative today… after an awful day.

Circles again and again

I spent the better part of the weekend arranging and re-arranging and tearing apart and reconstructing this piece. I am torn between a literal interpretation of Katie’s poem or a more symbolic graphic one. I decided on the latter.
I find a lot of peace in piecing… hah! Seriously it is concentrated focus on design and elements- what is work and what is not. And the technique I use to inset these circles really does not permit me to plan ahead… which means lots of fits and starts… lots of undos. And when it works it is beautiful.

Sitting in my sewing room with the snow falling, I can imagine not leaving forever.

New quilt idea

Start of the new quilt… the background and circle massing